I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
