turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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