he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
