you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
