She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
