I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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