My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
