Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
