I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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