i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
