I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize