A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bring money and cleavage
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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