chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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