I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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