tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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