He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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