You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
