Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

We won't sleep together?

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(303): View more from Colorado

My friends, they love my intelligence

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(980): View more from North Carolina

after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

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(949): View more from California

You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?

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(719): View more from Colorado

dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now

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