Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think your dad took our porno
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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