Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
