Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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