Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
