I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
