booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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