batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
