jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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