Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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