well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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