how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
