There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
