Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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