She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i now understand why vodka
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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