is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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