Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
