mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
