Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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