Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
