im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
