when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
