the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
