I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have tasted many bathrooms
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
