So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
