I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
And then he peed in my hair
the raccoons are back...
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