I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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