idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
