this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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