a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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