i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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