did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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