Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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