I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
