I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
