i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
