We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
