Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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