He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
