I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
