I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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