I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm having to shit out rocks
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