My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
