dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
