The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
