just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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