My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
