I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
